Madrid II - June 2012

    Madrid II - We have returned to Madrid so that I may see Zack off at the airport at 6:00 AM, and I myself, will take a flight to Marrakech, Morocco at 2:ooPM.  Marrakesh, to a boy of the 60's, is a dream.  During the Vietnam War, people escaped the draft by going to four main places: Canada; Kathmandu, Nepal; Lamu, Kenya: and Marrakech, Morocco.  But more on that later.  First, Zack and I had a couple of days in Madrid so we did the usual - museums, tapas, watching street performers, etc.
     Zack was ready to tackle the third big museum in Madrid, so we walked about town and went to see the Reina - Sofia Art Museum.   It had been closed the first time we were in Madrid.  I was willing to give the huge museums one more chance, but realistically, I was only going because betwixt the museum and our hotel... was a great place for chocolate con churros!  There... I said it.

 



 I began to look at the buildings as works of art, and to me, the ultimate work of art.  Here's how I see buildings as works of art:  They can't be built overnight;  It takes many people working together;  it requires people to have a shared vision and be able to communicate it to one another; and it requires originality yet conformity.




 

Imagine, actually erecting a building, where if you haven't done your research, people may be miserable - poor air-conditioning or water pressure, or worse, people could die.  Think about bridges that collapse or building that fall in minor earthquakes.
      In this building, someone had to put their name on the line when they were told that Schweppe's would be hanging a 100'  sign on the building, oh... and it must have lighting capabilities and did we mention that it would be 500 feet above the street that has 200,000 people per day walking under it?  I know a little bit about making decisions that affect people's lives and the pressure that goes with it.  My hat is off to the person that signed off on this project.  How many people told him that it wouldn't work.

So not only does a building have to serve a useful purpose, but it has to be pleasing to the eye as well.  Good heavens, think of the patience that an architect must have when designing and building a building.  The years of gathering permits, of hiring the right construction company that will be cheap, but competent.  The art of buying the materials:  Did you skimp on the concrete mix, use paint that will fade in five years, wood that will withstand the elements?  What about late additions?
Arch 1 - Well, here's the building you requested.
Head arch - Splendid!  It has taken years, but it looks fine!
Arch 1 - I'm glad you like it.
Head arch - I love it!  Oh and by the way, they want you to put a copper dome on the NW corner of it, so that they can have ballroom dances in it.  It will be open to the elements, so the dance floor must be weatherproof.


   

Egads! I haven't even spoken about the actual design.  Did anyone bother to ask the people who will be working in the building what they need?   How many outlets will you have per room?  How many restrooms and will they have hand dryers or paper towel dispensers?  Will you have single sheet toilet paper dispensers or rolls (Please no air)
Did I mention that the owners want a 60 foot Roman Centurian on top of the building?  Yeah, made of bronze and that can withstand 100 mph winds. It has to be heavy enough to not blow down on the crowd below in the plaza, but it can't sink through the floor and cause the ceiling below to sag.... and you have till Thursday to make it happen.
Oh, and the CEO would like to have an Olympic size diving pool on the roof.
Oh and ... make the building look pretty, too!

"Really?"  Where was the research, the doing of something that most can't do.  I don't like Swan Lake, but I can appreciate someone performing it.  I don't know of many people who can do those moves. But I think I know a whole school that can do this.

The Reina  was el giganto!  Four stories of art.  If you aren't sitting now, you need to be when you see this next piece of art.

    Yes, this is what it appears to be.... a friggin chair hanging on the wall.  And someone got paid to do this.
     Don't get me wrong, it's a nice chair, and the printing of the definition on the wall is outstanding.  A kindergarten teacher would be screaming orgasmically to see such penmanship, but really... in an art museum?
I can't imagine the negotiations with the museum curator.
Artist (A) - well for that amount of money, I'm thinking maybe of giving you a stool.
Curator  (C)- a stool... like a ....turd?
A - No,  a chair
C -how much for a love seat?
A - Oh!  They haven't printed that much money for a work of art of that magnitude!!
C - any cushions??

I have no pictures of Guernica by Picasso because the museum would not allow me to take a picture.  It wasn't personal.  Photography was banned.  There were two things impressive about it: one - the size.  It filled a wall that is bigger than any wall you have in your house.  two - the effect it had on the world regarding pacifism and the soon to be WWII.       That being said, I don't know how it caused such a clamor.  My guess is that the name Picasso helped quite a bit.  But the painting/drawing is a bit too abstract for me.  Shock, huh?

       Zack and I were sitting at a cafe on Plaza Mayor, which is completely surrounded by buildings which are true works of ART.... and playing cards.  He actually won!!  Partially because he has improved and partially due to him insisting that I have a San Miguel and an Amstel!  Done in by two beers.  I congratulate him for his cunning, if not shrewd tactics!
There were some unusual street performers - the first  was a guy who was blowing gigantic bubbles for little kids.  A word to his costume designer - don't dress like a Mafia hit man.  You're dealing with kids,  so, I don't know, lose the sunglasses and cigarette.  Just my thinking, but I'd run with my kids.  "Come on kids, Daddy's got diarreaha!  Let's get home quick!"

Here is a simple street performer act, though it has to be rough on the knees.  One of the job requirements must be, "must have experience catching a double header baseball game."  Not really original.  The idea is that you stand in front of it, trying to figure out  which head is the real one and while you are deep in contemplation, BOO!  He scares the Euro out of you!

But the winner for the summer street performing act is the pseudo guru.  One guru meditates while holding onto a pole with one hand, while his partner  pseudo guru holds him four feet off the ground with one hand.
  How do I know they are pseudo gurus?  A) never met a guru who smoked; B) never met a guru who had such raunchy tattoos.
    I'm sure that if I followed them after they got off work, I'd find them sleeping in the park and snockered on cheap wine.

I know it's a trick because the guy holding the stick rings a bell and then a real sleazy guy comes over with a giant black sheet and puts it over he two pseudo gurus and then you see some movement, and then the sheet comes off and they are standing.  I just cannot figure it out!  It was worth a Euro to be so perplexed.
These guys are good.  Even if there is a metal bracket that is attached to the pole and the guy on top is braced, how does the guy on the ground manage to hold him in the air for 30 minutes with one hand.
Neither is built that well.  Can only be one explanation....it's magic!

One thing that I won't miss about Spain are the grumpy waiters!  I finally figured out what their problem is... they want to be matadors.  Matadors don't smile.  Waiters don't smile.  Matadors have that smug, "I am way cool" look, Waiters have that smug, "get your own food look. "

They must be grossly underpaid because getting a smile out of them is rare.
I wonder if it would make a difference if they worked for tips.

Zack and I took a metro from the airport and caught Henny Youngman's latest act.  Actually, he was great, one because he was quite a good violinist and two because he took our minds off of an accident someone had had on the metro. PHEW!!  He played, "Don't Cry For Me Argentina"  which almost always makes me want to cry... and I'm not a huge Madonna fan.  The song is one of my favorites, however.  Yes, he earned a Euro!

The Museum of Ham is a chain of restaurants.  Great food.  Lousy waiters.
If you aren't a night owl in Spain, you won't be eating dinner at restaurants.  Zack and I didn't even leave the room for dinner until 10:30 on many nights.
It's amazing what a person can get use to! (Patrick Swayze - Roadhouse)

Speaking of rooms.... This is laundry day.  Anytime I get two or three days in one hotel, I do a little sink laundry.  I enjoy it.  I love that feeling of semi-clean underwear!
You want to feel rich?  Do your laundry in a Liliputian size sink without a stopper for a couple of weeks.  When you use your washing machine, you'l feel like Donald Trump!

How do they do it?!?!?!?!?

Figueres June-2012

Figueres, a wee little town about two hours north of Barcelona, is only on the map because it was the home of Salvadore Dali.  He was baptized here and one has to wonder if they held him under water a tad bit too long.  You probably already know that I am not a huge fan of his, but in some ways, I am.
I like that he didn't let his inhibitions stop him from doing what he wanted to do.  What he needed to do.
He built a museum to himself - can you say "self promotion.  So what?  Is there anything wrong with recognizing that you can sit around in life and wait in line or you can make your own line.  He made his own line.  If not for him, half of Figueres would be unemployed.   He, very much like Picasso, realized that the difference between a superstar artist and a starving artist has nothing to do with talent, rather it has to do with having a nose for creating publicity which leads to sales.  Both men realized that if an artist does what everyone else is doing, he will be getting a day job, because people don't buy ordinary... Consumers want something different, something special, and why...well, because it makes them feel like they are special...and we all know that everyone wants to be special!!

I knew the museum was going to be, er, uh, um, different, and as soon as you near his house, you get a quick orientation that, yep, this is going to be different.   Yep.  You put a 12" statue of the robot from the "Day the Earth Stood Still" in your front yard and watch the attention it gets.
"What?? Not enough attention, well then lets drill some holes in it, not have a face, and..."
Well...at least I can tell that it's a man, I think.

Okay, but that was just a warm-up for some kinkier stuff.  As you enter his house, he has a 1941 Cadillac in the front yard.  Not that unusual if you grew up in the rural South, except for the thousands or so of condoms hanging down over the naked mega-boobed Hindu-like woman.  I suppose we're suppose to guess or figure out the riddles of this "masterpiece", however, legend has it that he and his dad had a terrible falling out over his relationship with his lover, Gala, and the fact that Dali had been quoted in a newspaper saying, "I often spit on my mother's portrait."  His dad told him that he was no longer allowed in his home so Dali brought a condom with his own sperm in it to his dad and said, "Here, I owe you nothing more!"
Wow!!!  Have a nice day!!

Dali was a showman, just like Picasso.  Just like Barnum and Bailey.  Just like Terrell Owens and Ocho Sicko... Cinco.  They are all people with talent who realized that there are tons of equally talented wide receivers.  Equally talented artists.  So how to be different?  How to stand out in the crowd?   Well for Dali, it meant painting the Surreal.

He definitely could paint "normal" pictures, but why?  Walk through any medina and you'll find a gazillion pictures of Arabs on horses.  Here's one of Omar Shariff looking left. Here's one Omar looking right.  Here's one of Omar not looking.  They won't sell.  You can go to the next shop and find almost the same thing.   He wanted to "brand" himself, hence the peculiar mustache (I'm being kind), the whacked paintings, (okay that wasn't so kind), and the flamboyant lifestyle. Can you say, "Hey notice me!!!"

Notice me?  I'm bored.  Check out this statue of Dali.  What does his face say?  It says, "I'm bored to death.  Let's party!!"  and then he went off!

Boy, did he go off!
In the 60's we would have said that he was trippin'.




The longer you stare at this, the more you will see, which I think is pretty cool.  What does it all mean?? WTHK - Who the Heck Knows!

Wouldn't this make a lovely Christmas card?  A bunch of headless bodies lying by the sea in togas.
Hmmm... I think it means that if you are drunk, don't sleep near a beach where psychopathic Romans are camped.  They will dress you in togas, cut your head off and take them back to their camp on the other side of the beach.

Now this one is a no-brainer.  If you are a naked female, and you eat a decaying jackass that is on the beach... bad things may happen to you...like losing your head... 

or

 it could be a take on the Biblical line...." It will be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven".  This naked woman tried so hard to pass through the eyes of the needles on the beach, that her head became swollen and fell off, quickly changing to a man's head.  

Wow!  This IS a masterpiece!!!

The last work of art I saw in the town was not far from the museum and I don't know if Dali made it or not, but it was really cool.  It reflected his image onto a pole from an etching on the ground.  Probably had to be there to appreciate it...or be like Dali and imagine it!

So... should you go to Figueres???  Just know what you are getting into.  There will be things that will make you gag and others that you will marvel.  If you have the ability to focus on the marvelous and overlook the flamboyance, then go.

Barcelona - June -2012

Barcelona - June 2012

Fantastic architecture abounds in Barcelona and that is even discounting Gaudi from the conversation.  I believe I have found my favorite type of graphic art.  Architecture! And, at least from a distance, I even know the building that is the pinnacle of architecture...for me, anyway.  It's a water company building and no one ever even mentions it when they talk about Barcelona.  Zack and I were walking from the Columbus Monument (right)  to our hotel, which was several miles away and all uphill when we saw it from a distance.
We first saw the water company as we crossed a major road and it darn near got us run over by 34 taxis.  We couldn't help it.  We  were mesmerized.  We thought an alien space ship had landed.  We walked toward it as if drawn by a Martian magnetic beam.

We also went through the Spanish equivalent of the Arc d' Triumphe.  Not sure what victory it's celebrating, but it was a cool arch.  Upon seeing it, I got the feeling that someday I'd be walking through the arch in Paris.  The last time I was there I was on the back of a motorcycle doing 90 mph at about 2:00 in the morning.  No, it wasn't by choice... but it was memorable!  What's that saying, "Bad experiences make the best memories!"

Another building that caught our eye was the Barcelona bull ring.  After staring at it, it dawned on us what was different about the bullring.  There was no, nada, zero, graffiti on it. Made me think that the good ol' boys had let it be known that anyone who tags their wall would be used for horn sharpening.

Here's a bit of architecture that defies logic, unless the owner/builder inherited a very narrow strip of land and said, "Well, what can we do with this fifteen' wide by 200' strip of land?"  The answer, build a very slit of a building about 6 stories high.  Pretty cool the way it tapers to a space that can only be used as a stairwell... a narrow stairwell at that.

Barcelona street performers:
This one is easy - Jim Carrey.  Cute, but not worth very many Euros.  You gotta stand on one foot or something.

Not really sure who he is suppose to be.  Maybe a unicyclist that has a green paint fettish?  Sorry.  No Euros for green people wearing sunglasses on a unicycle.

Okay, you can have a Euro if for no other reason than you can play an accordion.  You would have had two, but the hat cost you.
Speaking of hats, what climbed on top of that lady's head that is red?





I have seen more accordion players in the last 45 days than I have seen in my entire life and I watched the Godfather 18 times!

Where are all the jugglers juggling cannon balls dipped in gasoline and set afire?
Where are the flaming sword eaters?


Wow!  Things sure have changed in thirty years.  It was about 30 years ago that I was in Europe and back then, artists were drawing beautiful pictures on the side walk.  In fact, the Mona Lisa was much better in sidewalk chalk than Leonardo's diminutive 10"x12" original.  I know.  I know. It was a masterpiece.  So was the sidewalk chalk drawing...until it rained!
Last street performer -

All of these street performers were seen enroute to the museum for the Holy Grail - alias the Chocolate Museum.  It was to be our first of three museums we visited that day.



















 Zack's favorite museum was the Chocolate Museum. If a dog could be used to represent how the chocolate samples made us feel it would be this guy!

The Picasso museum which had a few good pictures and a lot more of his abstract paintings.  Seems that he and Dali both started off playing the game, drawing straight lines, coloring in between the lines, etc, and then at some point said, " I'm bored!" and went off.  Look at the similarity in this picture of Picasso and this little boy who claims to be his offspring??

I love this picture.  Not quite sure who the man is with Picasso, but just for fun, let's assume that he paid Picasso to paint a picture for him, I can imagine what he's thinking behind that little smile, which is really a wince of pain in the knowledge that he was duped.
.  After querying many museum goers, here was the winning answer:
"Holy Sh*%&!!!!  I paid you a gazillion dollars and you draw a picture like this???  What did you do... subcontract out to a 4th grader?!  Couldn't you have at least bought a box of crayons for the tyke?"

This is me after three museums.  The Chocolate Museum was okay, but the chocolate bar they gave us with the price of admission was great.  The Picasso Museum was okay as well, it's just so difficult to go gaga over... over... over, "What the Heck is THAT!" paintings.  (I can see art aficionados filing lawsuits right now:).  The third museum we went to was the Antoni Gaudi Museum and it was interesting to see his clay models.  Very cool!
BUT... enough friggin' museums for one day! (month)

We were museumed-out.  So what does a good moral upstanding father do for his son... he brings him to a WINE festival.  For $12 we got ten coupons and were able to buy a total of 5 very full glasses of wine.  I needed something to eat so we walked down the street to the morning market and buy cheeses from all over Spain.  Delicioso!   It was a great time.  Then, when we started to walk back to the hotel, we saw the aliens had landed.  I thought, "Either we are in big trouble... or the wine was better than I thought."







































See the flag.  It's a pretty flag.  It is the Flag of Catalunya!  The people of the state of Catalunya, which is in NW Spain want to secede and be their own country.
Bad news, Catalunya.  It takes more than a language, more than a flag, more than desire, to make a country.  You will have to learn that you are more alike than you are different from people, especially those in Spain.
At the wine festival there were booths set up near by trying to rekindle, stoke, build support for the Catalunyan culture.  They are really big on independence from Spain...and they'll stay like that... until another war comes up... or an economic crisis occurs.  I had a great conversation with a Spaniard from San Sebastian in the Basque Country in northern Spain.  I have learned that no matter where you are, people have to feel special.  Most have to feel that they are "different".  Think:
Richmond Va.  - Daughters of the Confederacy
Boston - Daughters of the Revolution.
Plymouth -  If you can't trace your family back to the Mayflower, well, you aren't colonial now are you?  The things we do to set ourselves apart.  Maybe if the Martians attacked, we'd see how much we're really alike.  Very quickly, people would see that there isn't much difference in parenting around the world- we all want our kids to grow up healthy and be safe and have jobs etc.  But no, let's split from Spain... and then of course we have the fact that the Basque in Spanish Basque are sooooo different from the French Basque, so let's divide again.  And then you don't expect the Coastal Basque to agree with the Inland Basque sooooooo let's divide again.  Pretty soon, Mamma Basque and Daddy Basque and Sonny Basque are all having their own kingdoms.
Basque in this - Get along.  There is strength in numbers!  Santoos!!!

Okay, now I'm on a kick.  Speaking of getting along, tell me that you haven't noticed the number of people who are at dinner together and don't talk to one another.  Hmmm. Where are you, Martians???  Get here soon!

Here's something that would be fun to do.  Zip around a city in one of these.  We saw these too late to do them, (after the wine festival) but how fun.  Now I understand why the drivers around here drive like maniacs.  They've been trained in Formula One cars!

This is the balcony view from our "hotel"/youth hostel in Barcelona.  I really liked it, except I had a top bunk, there was no place to put our backpack, the shower was feeble, the toilet was unassembled, the sink wasn't big enough to drown a gnat, our roomies smoked, and it was four floors up.  But somehow, I had one of my best nights ever.  I sat up on the balcony until 2AM, enjoying a cool zephyr while emailing friends and listening to such good music (thank you I Tunes).
      One good thing about staying up late was that I was so tired when I hit the pillow, that I don't think about the top bunk, the shower, the toilet, the...  I do remember that my last thought was thanking God that I was so lucky to have such a beautiful night.  I wish everyone that kind of moment.  I was/am rich!

Barcelona - June 2012 - Gaudi

Barcelona - The city that wants to be its own country.  More on that later.  First, Barcelona needs to be broken into several posts because there is simply so much going on that the post would be way too long .  Tonight's post is about one of it's more famous citizens and his work - architect/artist Antoni Gaudi.

Gaudi was born in the 1850's to a family of iron workers.

This was his 3rd grade picture.  He was very mature for his age.  Iron work does that to a feller!

Two of Gaudi's most important works are the Sagrada Familia and the other is the Park Guell.  Neither were ever finished.

He was a founding father of Modernism in architecture.  My understanding of Modernism was that it seemed to reject lines and the norm.  For instance, Gaudi used wavy walls instead of straight walls.  He use broken tile in mosaics instead of bricks.  The colors he used colors remind me of someone on heroin or someone infatuated with Alice in Candy Land who is on heroin.

Around 1900, he tried to built a "new community" high in the hills overlooking Barcelona, but unfortunately, only one of the 60 plots sold and his city flopped, eventually becoming a park (part).

Gaudi lived in the Parc Guell for many years with his Dad and his sister.  "The Candy man can..." yeah! sing a along with me now!  "Yeah, the Candy Man can cause he makes the world go round!"

Park Guell was intended to be a residential estate in the style of an English garden city...  unfortunately, it was built in SPAIN!!  Helloooo! Anton, if Spaniards wanted to live in England they would have moved to England and changed their name from Juan to Ian.   (I wonder if Gaudi knew that it was England who  SANK the big Spanish armada in 1588 and basically made Spain a second world country for the next 300 years)  Great artist - weak businessman.
Word to the wise...it's okay to be different... just don't expect everyone to agree with what you are doing.

Frankly, I think Gaudi would have sold more houses if he'd pushed the, "view is astounding!"  Instead of the, "Hey I'm building some oversized gingerbread houses way the heck up a hill that makes walking to work an impossibility!"

He died in 1926, after being hit by a tram.   Ow!!   After his death, Gaudi's works suffered a period of neglect and were very unpopular because people considered them too excessively imaginative.... which is a polite way of saying that it looked like a child designed them.
Really??  I kinda like the lizard!








 Gaudi rarely drew detailed plans of his works, instead, he created clay models of them.

When Gaudi graduated from college, his Director handed him his diploma and said, "Either we've graduated a fool or a genius.  Only time will tell."  I do like the idea of a person who looks at something that has always been done a certain way and says, "Maybe there's a better way... or how about something different.  The curved walls can stay... the melted lava looking balconies - gotta go!  

"Honey come see this...Looks like a gargoyle heaved a giant loogee on our balcony!"

Barcelona has many Gaudi buildings, some were destroyed before people said, "Oh, he's a genius!".  This is a building designed by a Gaudi follower who also probably graduated from Candyland University.    " ...and here's your architectural degree.  We wrote it on a gumdrop for you!  And yes, you get a free can of play-dough!"





His first project as an architect were to design lampposts.  Kinda like being a student teacher and being allowed to grade the spelling tests.  I really liked Gaudi.  It seems natural that when you break from the norm, you might go a little overboard.  I think Zack liked Gaudi too, though it left him scratching his head!

In 1884, he was given the task of building a new cathedral for Barcelona called the Sagrada Familia.  He also started an wrought iron company... Hmmm.. can you say, "conflict of interest"?







It was kind of neat to see a cathedral actually being built.  However, not everyone felt that way.  Spain had a terrible civil war (the one Humphrey Bogart fought in) in 1936, and the Sagrada Familia was ransacked and most of the plans and models were destroyed.  But like all terrible civil wars (are there wonderful civil wars??), it ended, and work on the cathedral continued.  How cool to think that in 300 years from now, people will be walking by the cathedral and it will seem as though it's always been there.  And if I'm still around, I can say, "Yeah, I remember when they were building it and had giant cranes and..."

It wasn't until the 1950's, that fellow weirdo, Salvador Dali began to push Gaudi as a genius.  This is known as the One Enemy at a Time Effect.  The theory is that a bully can only pick on one person at a time, so Dali must have figured that as long as the press is blasting Gaudi... they'd lay off him!  Do I think it's weird to put fruit on top of your cathedral's spires, YES.  But it is different.  How many times have I heard people say, "I've seen one too many cathedrals... They are all starting to look alike."  Well, not this one.

Gaudi was extremely religious and due to his ascetic lifestyle, he received beatification in 2000.  Beatification for my non Catholic friends is the third step (of four) in being declared a saint.  To put that in perspective, I'm on step -48.